Sin.cerelychaotic

There’s a certain kind of grief when you realize someone you thought you knew was an entirely different person. When the mask slips it’s utterly disappointing. It’s the shock of realizing a person you trusted was simply performing and manipulating your perception of the relationship that you shared.

You think back to how you silenced your intuitive feelings and gut instincts of when you felt wronged and forgave numerous times. You replay all the moments, good and bad. At first you process with anger. After the initial anger passes, you push aside logic and begin to question reality. Then it turns to sadness.

It hurts twice. Once because they let you down and again because the only person who can soothe the pain is the one who caused it and nobody seems to understand that. You’re left carrying this empty feeling.

While you’re grieving the routine and someone who became one of your favorite people, others are telling you to be grateful you saw their true colors and move forward. Meanwhile you’re the one sitting with the memories, the what-ifs and the heavy silence. You’re questioning what was real and what wasn’t. Was it all a lie? You question your worth and wonder where you went wrong or how you even fell so easily into their web of lies.

The truth always comes to the surface whether its days, weeks, months or years. And it’s always so fucking disappointing.

This can happen in all forms of relationships; family, friendships, partnerships. The hardest part isn’t losing the person, it’s losing the version of them you believed existed.

Betrayal leads you to question your judgement and even your ability to trust yourself.

After enough disappointment you stop wondering if people will hurt you and you begin to wonder how long it will take before they do. That’s the real gut wrenching feeling.